My journey into a new body.

I am journaling this on my blog rather than on Facebook because this is somewhat more embarassing. . . It has been so stinkin long since I have written on here that no one will EVER check it and read it anyway. lol I decided in Feb to run in the Boise Race For The Cure in May. My big sister Jodie has gotten big into running and had been encouraging me to start up. I have been struggling with my self esteem pretty bad lately. Not to mention that I was so fat and outta shape that I couldn't even run from the house to the car. I have always hated running. My body wasnt meant to run, it was meant to push a plow, or ride a horse.. . . or so I thought. In highschool I played softball rather than run in track. I got some pretty serious shin splints Freshman year in High school and decided that I was done with it. Forever. In softball I whined when my coach made us run laps (which almost never happened, probably cause we squeeled like pigs when it did.) But ya gotta be able to run bases, right? Flash foreward to Feb. Here I am getting ready to run a 5k (3.1 miles) I am over 200 pounds. Getting ready to turn 33, and still kinda look like I MAY be a little bit pregnant. -ugh I started out pretty slow. I mapped out a 2 mile route and started walking it. Then speed walking it. Then I would run (what I thought was jogging) a little here and there. I was so proud of myself for getting to the point that walking 2 miles wasnt any big deal. Race for the cure day came. Brooklyn had just turned 8 and was so excited to run the race with me. My big sis Jodie and her two girls were running with us as well as my sis in law Molly and all 4 of her kids. It was a great big Powell family affair. It was wonderful. I was feeling very nervous that I would look bad in front of my family, I did something that I am not proud of . . . I used Brooklyn as a crutch. I kept telling myself that I wanted to only run as fast as Brooklyn did. But I was scared that I wouldnt be able to keep up with her. She is a good little runner for only being 8. Jodie wanted me to run with her in the faster of the lanes, but I wanted to stay with Brooks and she was acting very tired. So my niece, nephew, brooklyn, and I all went at our own pace. There was only once or twice that I had to ask brooklyn to slow down. She ran her little heart out. I was so proud of her. And very dissappointed in myself. I had had plenty of time to get ready for this race. And it wasnt all that far! I decided I wanted to keep running. It made me feel good and I could already see a difference in my body. Tiny as it may be, a difference in the direction of good was awesome for me. I had been going down hill for sooo long. Sweet Brian loves me no matter how I look, so I am competing for myself, my own self image, and my own self esteem. After the race for the cure was over I got lazy on my running routine. I would only run 1 or 2 times a week. I couldnt run for very long periods of time. Were talking two minutes tops before I would have to stop and walk. And I would wheeze and suck air through my mouth so loudly that I would make dogs bark in houses half an acre away. I was on the phone with Jodie one day and comparing notes with her on running. She told me that she had made a goal to run in at least one race per month through the summer to keep herself motivated. Wow. What a good idea. You dont wanna look like the fat wheezy rhino at the back of the stampeed. So I decided to do the Barn Sour race in Meridian the end of June with Jodie. Molly and my big bro Johnny signed up as well. We were gonna run it together. What an awesome family I have!! I had some physical set backs in preparing for this race. My back goes out a couple of times a year and it lays me up for a week sometimes. It decided to go out memorial day weekend while we were in Kemmerer. Lovely. It took for stinkin EVER to stop hurting me and making me walk funny this time. Probably because my muscles were adjusting to this new thing called "RUNNING". As soon as my back felt a little better I got sick. Nasty sick. It had worked its way through the kids and landed on me. Great. So when race day came ( it was right in the middle of our Powell Family Reunion BTW) I just didn't feel very prepared. I was kinda excited to run one by myself though because I do better when I can blast my ipod and turn off my left brain. Then I found out that Johhnny had a hurt knee and had decided to run the 6k with me rather than the 10k with Molly and Jodie. Well CRAPPY!! If there is one person in this world that I don't want to dissapoint or let see how bad I am, its my big brother Johnny. And he was going to stay with me the race he said. I was feeling like I was going to throw up. This dude was an Army RANGER for heavens sake!! He is a career Army guy. He told me once that he could run 10 miles with a ruck sack on his back and it didnt even wind him. SERIOUSLY?!?! I wanted to crawl under a rock rather than let him see how aweful I was at running. The race starts and I take off. Running as fast as I can. BIG MISTAKE. Johnny had said he would run as fast or slow as I did. He would stay with me. So I was huffin along, and thought "Crap. I'm already tired." It was not even a quarter mile into this race. So I stop and walk for a while. Suckin air. Johnny comes up beside me and says "you started out too fast." O.k. Lesson #1. Learned. When running a long race, don't give it all you got at the very beginning. Cause yer gonna burn out really fast and then finish dead last. Johnny was wonderful. He talked with me, encouraged me, and told me stories about his soldiers and how he motivated them to run for BT. He shuffled along next to me when I had to walk. I kept thinking "THIS POOR GUY!!" He wanted so bad to run the 10k with his wife, but because of his knee he was stuck with his fat, horrible runner of a kid sister. He told me that you don't stop running because then your heart rate will slow way down and then you have to do all the work of getting going all over again. Lesson #2. Learned. Slow your stride, but don't walk. He also said that to "run" doesnt necissarily mean that you have to sprint. You can slow to a shuffle if you are tired and need a rest, but its ok. It is ok to run really slow. Because thats how you "go the distance" so to speak. Lesson #3. I was an idiot and thought that I had to flat out sprint the 3 miles. And then would feel so bad when I couldnt I was psyching myself out. SO when the dry heaves came on he ran in place next to me and said "think dry thoughts". LOL. I love my brother. After about the third VERY large woman ran past us pushing a stroller I was in tears. I mean ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Fat women pushing strollers are faster than I am!! Johnny kept saying over and over again "Your phsycing yourself out. Don't do that. Just run at your own pace. Enjoy the run. Slow your breathing. You are doing good Kimberly. Just keep it up." Over three miles of this, because I was being a whimp. But he stuck with me. The whole way. Did I mention that I love my brother? After he got me past that finish line (not even fast enough for them to pay attention to my time) he turned around, ran back to where Molly was and finished the race with her. It took me 55 minutes to do a 6k. But I finished. With Johnnys motivation. The really sad part is that Jodie (my big sis who is 10 years older that I am) finished the 10k only about 12 minutes after I finished the 6k. I decided that I needed to change this. Change my body, my attitude towards running, and my excercise schedule. Jodie set a goal for the race that day that she would finish the 10k without stopping. She did it. After the race Johnny and Molly treated me to breakfast at IHOP. I didn't feel particularly hungry, but I was craving orange juice. I ended up ordering turkey bacon, an egg, and a whole wheat waffle. I wasnt able to finish any of it. Except the orange juice. We had a busy day planned for the family reunion so I had packed a mt dew to vamp myself up. I needed to cook a lot of food for a lot of people throughout the day. Since then I have wished many times that I hadn't done that. Rather then enjoy the tired sore muscles from my accomplishment, I downed caffeen and got jittery and grouchy. Anywho, I have finally perfected my stride and rythym. I run at least 2 miles a day. Except on Tuesdays when I go to a 2 hour long Zumba class with my sisters in law Denise and Michelle. Let me tell ya. Zumba will kick your butt across the state and back. I hurt in places that should NEVER hurt the next couple of days after that first Zumba class. I loved it. Last Saturday was a monumental day for me. I had to run in the evening because for some reason it is hard to get out the door in the morning with little kids. Rylee tends to wake up at 5:30 and is very clingy and wont let me put her down. So I waited till about 9:30 and started my run. I had decided that my goal was to run the entire 2 miles without stopping. No walk breaks. I took one of Brooklyns little hair rubber bands and put it on my left ring finger and decided that when I wanted to stop I would roll that rubber band up and down my finger to distract myself. It worked. It was hard and I hurt. But I did it. I ran 2 miles without stopping. I cried. I cried and called Jodie, Johnny, and Molly and tearfully told them that I had accomplished my goal. As small as it must have been to these people who run waaaay more miles than that everyday, they congratulated me and made me feel like a champion. I love my family. What a blessing to have a family who encourages and love you. I can now run a mile and a half without feeling tired or that I need to slow down. I still have to push myself to finish the rest of the run without stopping and walking. Sometimes when I am out running and feel tired like I want to stop, I envision my brother or sisters running next to me. Encouraging me and setting good examples for me. Good health, fitness, weight, and self esteem all rolled into one thing . . . running. This is me today. July 13, 2012.